That’s What Friends Aren’t For by John Patrick Robbins


We were drinking as always.

Telling lies about women and killing the hours between here and death as best we could .

It was the typical barroom bullshit you’ve probably heard a hundred times over and I have probably written far to many times to recall .

And being I was drinking beer I was making frequent trips to the can on a steady basis .

It was at the urinal I read it.

“Rebecca gives the best blowjobs”.

And from the mixed scribblings I saw a few did agree.
It sparked my curiosity what did Rebecca do to achieve such bathroom infamy ?

Was it her technique ?
Had she practiced for years or just taken to it naturally.

Did she go into competitions I had no idea existed .

My mind was working in overdrive as this lovely lady of bathroom legend had grasped my imagination.

Was she the gunslinger of cocksuckers or just a legend that never was ?

I kept reading till I found my ex’s name .

Once ruined the fun .

It read .

“If you think she is great you should give Susan a go”.

I had to laugh for it was truly false advertising.

I took a pen from my pocket and blacked it out .

I felt Rebecca held the crown .

And truly believed she alone should hold the title of the finest cocksucker on the bathroom wall.

The man waiting to take a piss looked at me oddly .

“You write on walls often freak?”

I didn’t say anything just ignored the stranger and made my way to the door .

At the bar Larry looked at me puzzled .

“What the hell Frank you have a spiritual moment or something in there “?

“No just doing some reading you know me always looking for new talent anywhere I can find it”.

“Fuck you’re a weird son of a bitch you know that “?

My old friend Larry said as he laughed .

I ordered another round took another sip of a semi cold Heineken .

“So Larry, Rebecca still living in you’re old place “?

“Yeah the bitch still has my house thanks for reminding me , Why the hell you want to know anyways “?

“Oh just making conversation “.

Larry just shook his head .

I knew better than to ask for her number .

It’s okay I would get in on my next visit to the bathroom directory .

I thought it only fare she should know about these horrible rumors being spread about her.

A gentleman never tells and a opportunist never misses out.
You can figure which one I truly am for yourself .

Cheers .


Bio: John Patrick Robbins 

Is the author of Sex Drugs & Poetry from Whiskey City Press and Smoking At The Gas Pumps from Soma Publishing .

He is also the editor of The Rye Whiskey Review and Under The Bleachers .

His work has been published here at Punk Noir Magazine , The San Pedro River Review , The Mojave River Review , Fixator Press , Beatnik Cowboy , Ariel Chart , Piker Press , Red Fez , Horror Sleaze Trash , Romingos Porch .

His work is always unfiltered.