We were drinking as always.
Telling lies about women and killing the hours between here and death as best we could .
It was the typical barroom bullshit you’ve probably heard a hundred times over and I have probably written far to many times to recall .
And being I was drinking beer I was making frequent trips to the can on a steady basis .
It was at the urinal I read it.
“Rebecca gives the best blowjobs”.
And from the mixed scribblings I saw a few did agree.
It sparked my curiosity what did Rebecca do to achieve such bathroom infamy ?
Was it her technique ?
Had she practiced for years or just taken to it naturally.
Did she go into competitions I had no idea existed .
My mind was working in overdrive as this lovely lady of bathroom legend had grasped my imagination.
Was she the gunslinger of cocksuckers or just a legend that never was ?
I kept reading till I found my ex’s name .
Once ruined the fun .
It read .
“If you think she is great you should give Susan a go”.
I had to laugh for it was truly false advertising.
I took a pen from my pocket and blacked it out .
I felt Rebecca held the crown .
And truly believed she alone should hold the title of the finest cocksucker on the bathroom wall.
The man waiting to take a piss looked at me oddly .
“You write on walls often freak?”
I didn’t say anything just ignored the stranger and made my way to the door .
At the bar Larry looked at me puzzled .
“What the hell Frank you have a spiritual moment or something in there “?
“No just doing some reading you know me always looking for new talent anywhere I can find it”.
“Fuck you’re a weird son of a bitch you know that “?
My old friend Larry said as he laughed .
I ordered another round took another sip of a semi cold Heineken .
“So Larry, Rebecca still living in you’re old place “?
“Yeah the bitch still has my house thanks for reminding me , Why the hell you want to know anyways “?
“Oh just making conversation “.
Larry just shook his head .
I knew better than to ask for her number .
It’s okay I would get in on my next visit to the bathroom directory .
I thought it only fare she should know about these horrible rumors being spread about her.
A gentleman never tells and a opportunist never misses out.
You can figure which one I truly am for yourself .
Bio: John Patrick Robbins
Is the author of Sex Drugs & Poetry from Whiskey City Press and Smoking At The Gas Pumps from Soma Publishing .
He is also the editor of The Rye Whiskey Review and Under The Bleachers .
His work has been published here at Punk Noir Magazine , The San Pedro River Review , The Mojave River Review , Fixator Press , Beatnik Cowboy , Ariel Chart , Piker Press , Red Fez , Horror Sleaze Trash , Romingos Porch .
His work is always unfiltered.