It’s Not Addiction It’s My Science by John Patrick Robbins

A friend asked me. 

“Man, when are you going to stop drinking and chasing ass? I mean haven’t you had enough of this shit yet?”

 

I was puzzled at this question for I wasn’t merely some run of the mill drunken womanizer like all the rest.

I was a scientist dedicated to my life long study of why people didn’t live life to suit themselves.

And I still hadn’t met my quota yet.

 

I wasn’t just some asshole looking for a quick fling and good time I took my work seriously.

But like a dedicated narcotics officer I had to not blow my cover so I slurred my words and offended many.

 

I tried hitting on anything with a vagina and a pulse.

 

My study was going well besides some minor mishaps and one bad dose of the clap.

 

Then one day I would sit and write my masterwork and dedicate it to the largely pussy whipped faction and less fortunate that had to settle down to raise a family.

 

I would become a professor in bird dogging and give lectures at universities all over the country and when some young student offered me a piece of ass I would refuse saying no I’m no longer on the job.

 

I sacrificed my health and sanity okay maybe that was just the side effects of my undiagnosed syphilis.

 

But that was a small price to pay in the name of research.

 

Whoever said I was just a run of the mill womanizing asshole must really have felt embarrassed to learn it was all an act to begin with.

 

Never judge a book by it’s cover or test my degree in bullshit.

 

When it comes to my insanity the ocean is ever so deep my friends.

 

Cheers

 

John Patrick Robbins 

Is the editor of the Rye Whiskey Review and Under The Bleachers .

He is also the author of  Once Upon A Nervous Breakdown from Soma Publishing and Sex Drugs & Poetry from Whiskey City Press.

His work has been published here at Punk Noir , Ariel Chart , The San Pedro River Review , As It Ought To Be Magazine , Mojave River Review,  The Rusty Truck, The Dope Fiend Daily, The Blue Nib , 

His work has been nominated for Best Of The Net by Ariel Chart and The Dope Fiend Daily .

His work is always unfiltered. 

robb