In My Heart
My brain. Black and grey
on a computer screen.
The doctor’s talking but I can’t understand
a word she’s saying. I stopped listening
after the word ‘lesion’.
Staring at the white circle on the screen. Something that shouldn’t be there but is.
I wonder if it’s from the time
I was in a boxing ring I shouldn’t have been in. Outclassed. Outgunned. Out of my mind.
The ropes holding me up,
rocked to my core, refusing to quit.
Refusing to be knocked down.
Waiting on the bell.
After, a migraine lasting days,
two black eyes and a
my gloves hadn’t touched the canvas.
Thought I’d got away clean
after I healed up.
a year later
the hospital and
the MRI result on the screen and
that large white spot —
a bullet hole through my mind.
I’m sure there’s a conspiracy
to kill me this year.
I thank the doctor and
leave the hospital.
Hit a bar by the university to drown myself.
the next morning,
brushing my teeth before work
there’s a beautiful woman
much younger than me and
much more alive in my living room.
Her laughter had filled my night.
Bathed the whole apartment like
a bright light.
I look at my reflection in the mirror
grinning because I know then,
I will never let my gloves touch the canvas.