What songs are playing during these key scenes in the movie of your life and why?
Childhood: Stone Cold Steve Austin — Entrance Song. I’ma be real. I was a badass little kid. Made my mom worried sick, especially when I started kindergarten. Didn’t follow any rules and had a real affinity for flipping the double bird to unsuspecting kiddos on the playground and delivering a stone cold stunner. I’m glad I grew outta that phase.
First Love: Green Day — Warning. Dammit I loved Katey but I don’t think Katey loved me back. Katey and I broke up 20 times in a span of two months. When we got back together for the 21st time, I thought things would be different. I was wrong and she soon left me for my supposed best friend Ryan and now they’re married with triplets. So, in a way, I’m like cupid, or some shit.
Teens: Blink-182– All the Small Things. Me and the boys would be at the banks for hours on a Saturday skating, blasting stupid pop punk songs through crappy portable speakers. None of us we’re good. We could barely ollie over a water bottle. But who cares? We were young and free and still had good joints (knees and weed). #TakeUsBack.
Young Adult: The Office — Main Theme. Accidentally watched too much of The Office from the ages of 17–25 and lost track of time, space, and reality. 10/10 would recommend.
First Heartbreak: Drake — Marvin’s Room. I dated another Katey right before I left for college and that didn’t work out either — something about me not listening to her wants and needs. I was devastated. I grabbed seven slices of pizza from Domino’s, and drove around downtown Albany with Marvin’s Room on repeat. The worst part is I forgot my lactaid.
Working Montage: Semisonic — Closing Time (WFH Edition). Would you look at the time? 11am again? Time for a little drinky-drink. Don’t mind me.
Sex Scene: Pokemon — I Want to be the Very Best. Jokes on me, I’m not. That’s what makes it funny!
Writing Montage: Adam Sandler — Mr. Slo Mo. A good writing day is about 500 words for me and it takes about three hours to scratch that out. Slow and steady wins the race.
Old age: Eminem — The Real Slim Shady. I can’t prove this, but I have a sneaking suspicion that I’m gonna get super into karaoke around the age of ~70 or so. It will either go one of two ways: I become a viral internet sensation, or I die tryin’.
Death: Slipknot — Before I Forget. Fuck, I’m going out headbanging at a nu-metal club on Park Ave until I slip and fall on some ice and I get trampled to death. How awesome is that?
Shawn Berman runs The Daily Drunk. His poetry collection, Once Upon a Blue Shell, is due out this May from Close to the Bone. Twitter: @sbb_writer.