Falling Asleep During a Piss Test
Sniper waited and waited, his coffee
tasted like burnt charcoal and bones
Valentina had a routine appointment
finally she exited the medical building
She explained her delay, three nurses
tried to get a man out of the bathroom
The door wouldn't open, even with a key
he finally crawled over and opened it
He was on the floor, the nurses asked if
he’d fainted, he said no, he was taking
Care of business, the next thing he knew
was lying on the floor asleep.
The Crooked Nose
Valentina went to the store, she had
some items in her cart, she got behind
an older man, there weren’t many
Clerks or she would’ve changed lines,
she thought the man had a bad case of
BO, it was some serious stank
The man kept turning around, looking
at her, they both wore masks, finally he
paid and left the store, but the stench
Didn’t follow him, that’s when Sniper
reached under her cart he discovered a
bag of potatoes it had 3 rotten ones in it
So, all the time she thought the man
was stinky, he thought she was stinky,
Sniper just grinned like a Cheshire Cat.
The Bird Lady
Valentina came out of the store laughing her ass off.
“What’s so funny?” Sniper asked her.
“You would never believe what the bagger lady told me. She said,
‘She dozed off on a park bench and a wild turkey started rubbing
against her leg, like it was a cat that wanted its neck stroked. Then,
some herons flew near and sang a little song and did a birdy dance.
While they chirped and tweeted, a park ranger was leading a group
of tourists that stopped and took pictures. He offered the bagger a
a job, she said she’d take it under advisement. She walked over to
another bench near a pond, a duck family was swimming about. The
mallard had a green head, his mate was brown and gray. Their eight
baby ducklings swam right up to the shore. The lady picked up each
baby and nuzzled it against her cheek and gave them all a name. The
parents seemed to give a duck smile.’” Sniper was finding this tall
tale of feathered creatures, smelling of bull manure. Just then the Red
Hot Chili Peppers song Blood Sugar Sex Magik came on the radio.
Catfish McDaris has been in many magazines, books, and broadsides. He’s a 30-year small press and 3-year Army artillery veteran, from Albuquerque and Milwaukee. He works in a wig store in a dangerous neighborhood. Second day on the job, a lady dropped her purse and a loaded 357 safety off rolled out on the floor, pointed at him.